Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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