I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
