You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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