If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
