I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
