yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
