You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
