Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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