Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
love makes seman taste better
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Sext me about skeletons
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
