who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
