it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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