No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
