I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
