Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
