I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
