and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
