You just made me feel so damn special
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
