my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
