Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
