apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
