You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
