I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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