So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
