Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
