It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
