all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
