I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
