zippers are such a cool invention
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
