It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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