If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
