I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
