what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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