2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My liver just had a heart attack.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
