He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
