no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
