whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
