Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
