yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
