I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
