It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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