she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
