at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
