I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
