Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
