HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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