i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
