He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
