yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
