My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
