Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
