her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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