Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
