Kiss
Puke
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
