I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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