I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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