Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
