MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
