Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
